lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize