We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
