Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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