Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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