My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
