he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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