wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
