I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
