hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
