and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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