I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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