I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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