the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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