mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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