I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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