i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
