After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
