Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
