somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
