I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
