I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
