I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
