just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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