i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
