My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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