Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
