I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
