Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I miss vodka workout Fridays
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
