you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
