three words: i give head
three words: not that well
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
