If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
