Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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