I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
