Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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