I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
