Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
