i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
