I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
