God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
