A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
