My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
