Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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