i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
