no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You're like the curious george of whores
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
