He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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