All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
