Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
