i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
