I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
