Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
