and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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