ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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