I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
