his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
