i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
