have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
