I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
