Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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