Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
