Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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