New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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