maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
nutella sex= disaster
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
