I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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