yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
How external is "for external use only"?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
