I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
