you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
