He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
