based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I enjoy the company of your penis
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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