He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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