clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
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